⑴ 三個兄弟和一個女的，有一天兩個男的要去打架叫第三個男的，但那女的
幽默
兩人在玩撲克,他伸出雙手說:一對五;她把腳也伸出來說:一對十;他把褲子一脫說:一對蛋;她急得把文胸一扯說:一對尖!他盯著猶豫一會兒說:大!
下班部分是老婆的，上班部分是的，中間部分是情人的；醒著是的，睡著了是老婆的，半夢半醒之間是情人的！
一根鏈條,最脆弱的一環決定其強度;一隻木桶,最短的一片決定其容量;一個人,性格最差的一面決定其發展!一百個優點常毀於一個致命的缺點!
當你一個人空虛寂寞時，鉛筆也許是你最好的玩物。你可以用小刀割它，削它，砍它，同時你便可以發泄自己，高聲吼著：我殺筆，我殺筆，我殺筆了……
聽說你最近很牛，扶你下飛機，給你當司機，麥當娜陪你上樓梯，金喜善給你烤燒雞，劉德華幫你倒垃圾，連我都要給你發息！
一天收到的：HSS-H。看不懂就去問，克要倒過來念HELLO-ASSHOLE（兒）。
多年前你養了只小狗叫臉，不幸臉夭折了，我養了只小貓叫。三年後你到我家感慨的說：「要是我的臉還在也有這么大了。」
老婆訓話時要立正站好，低頭懺悔；老婆購物時要勇於付款，義不容辭；老婆化妝時要耐心等待，衷心贊美；老婆給零花錢時含淚感激，省吃儉用。
時候串聯，火車異常擁擠，某君趁停車將伸出車窗外大便，車將啟動時，列車員巡視時大喊：前方大臉的旅客請注意不要在車床外面吃油條
螞蟻和大像睡了一宿，第二天大像染病去世了，螞蟻一邊挖坑一邊嘮叨，就風流一宿，我要給你丫挖一輩子坑
嫂洗澡，弟無意中窗入，嫂義正詞嚴「你這樣做對得起你哥嗎？」弟羞，欲走，嫂又道「你這樣走了對得起你嫂子嗎」
家不能不顧，鐵子不能不處，漫漫人生路誰不錯幾步，喝多了我也吐，騎自行車我也上過樹，看見美女我也一樣邁不動步，這就是男人的人生路
昨日女友，將我拋棄，我心哭泣，悲傷至極，其實並非，因其離去，只恨臨走，送我大米，要我回家，養大雞雞
年9月28日你被捕了第一天你什麼都沒招第二天也沒招第三天敵人用美人計你招了第四天你還想招可是解放了
我對你仰慕猶如滔滔江水連綿不絕，黃河泛濫一發而不可收拾（我在拉肚子）
大嫂在公共汽車上看到一位男人掉了包煙在板上,對那男人說：同志你煙掉了.那男人回頭瞪著大嫂說:你才閹掉了.
一農村幹部到城裡出差，早上到賓館餐廳吃早餐，坐下就向服務小姐說：「小姐，我要饃饃、」小姐怒斥「流氓」
謎語上面上面下面下面，左面左面右面右面，不是不是正是正是，重點重點輕點輕點，舒服舒服。（謎底：抓癢）
碰見9說走兩步就走兩步練什麼倒立啊，0碰見8說：胖就胖還系什麼褲腰帶啊，7碰見2說，行了，別跪著了再跪也不嫁給你，2碰見5說，幾天沒見隆胸了？
考試如此多焦，引無數考生盡通宵。惜秦皇漢武，膽子太小，唐宗宋祖，不得不抄。一代天驕，成吉思汗，最後都把白卷交。
饅頭和面條打架結果饅頭被打哭了就回家把花捲包子叫來去找面條結果是方便麵開門饅頭說小樣把頭燙了就不認識你了照打
萬水千山總是情，請我吃飯行不行。人間既有真情在，我請你時你不在。
茅坑門聯：天下英雄豪傑，到此低頭屈膝；世間貞女節婦，進來解帶寬裙；橫批：天地正氣。
上聯：我愛的人名花有主；下聯：愛我的人慘不睹；橫批：命苦。
某校男女廁所相鄰，一女生如廁未帶紙，忽風隔壁傳來一紙，女生大驚：「是誰？」男生低沉有力答：「雷鋒」。
跳樓須知:痛快到七樓,喘氣到六樓,掙扎到五樓,殘廢到四樓,住院到三樓,嚇人到二樓,看熱鬧到一樓.
新四項基本原則之女人篇：老婆基本靠哄，情人基本要寵，小姐基本要錢，小蜜基本要權！
愛一個人好難！愛兩個人好玩！愛三個人好煩！愛四個人扯蛋！愛五個人翻船！愛六個人徹底玩完！
家裡有個作飯的；辦公室里有個好看的；身邊有個犯賤的；遠方有個思念的。
從前，有一對非常恩愛的夫妻，男的叫我愛你，女的叫我不愛你。一天上山女的不小心掉下了山崖。請問剩下的男的叫什麼？
投保：男朋友是准客戶，老公是客戶，結婚是簽單，離婚是退保，再婚是續保，找老二是加保
你有點靈氣，我有點傻氣；你有點秀氣，我有點土氣；你有點香氣，我有點煙氣；如果你生氣，我不會發脾氣
你再惹我，我就會在經濟上封鎖你，上孤立你，精神上折磨你，肉體上摧殘你，生活中遺棄你
雞生的叫雞蛋，鴨生的叫鴨蛋，會炸的叫；讀信息的是，笑的是蠢蛋；生氣是笨蛋！
某女泳衣破於私處取一牌擋眾笑。女惑看：此深2米，急換牌眾仍笑，又看牌：男性專用道。再換眾大笑牌寫：此不通走後門
外國人的長，中國人的短；太監曾經擁有過，和尚有的但是不能用。打一你每天都要用的東西。（答案：名字）
人家撈，你不撈，老婆說你是草包；人家賭，你不賭，背後說你二百五；人家嫖，你不嫖，大夥一起造你謠。
男人不醉,女人沒小費;女人不醉,男人沒機會;男人女人都不醉,賓館沒人睡。
⑵ 兩年前歐美一個特別豪華的MV 男主角是黑人 裡面有加長越野車 車裡面有美女 和豪宅 求這個MV的名字
哈哈哈，我知道是什麼歌了```MV里那車是加長的悍馬H1，美國專用軍車，有錢人開PARTYY,軍人打仗用的，他的車是konig公司設計的
不過黑人音樂MV里豪宅，跑車，美女永遠是主題
【高清】Lil Wayne - Lollipop
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTE1ODU3NTgw.html
Lil' Wayne和Static Major合作的這首Lollipop，不幸的是，Static Major在參與錄制這首單曲的MTV之後不久，便在一家小醫院的手術事故中喪生。Static Major來自肯塔基州，他的本名叫Stephen Garrett，去世時不過34歲。
翻譯:
uh huh...no homo (YOUNG MULA BABY)
UH HUH 不要搞同性戀
i say he so sweet make her wanna lick the wrapper
我說他好甜，搞得她想添 包裝紙
so i let her lick da rapper.
所以我讓她來添我這個饒舌歌手
she lick lick lick me like a lollipop (yeah)
她添，添，添我，就像添個棒棒糖
she she lick me like a lollipop (yeah)
她她添我就像個棒棒糖
she lick lick lick me like a lollipop (yeah)
她添，添，添我，就像添個棒棒糖
she she lick me like a lollipop
她她添我就像個棒棒糖
shawty wanna thug
性感小女生喜歡野男人
bottles in da club
舞廳里的酒瓶
shawty wanna hump
小不點兒想要跳舞
u know i like to touch ya lovely lady lumps
你知道我喜歡碰你可愛的屁股
(she lick me lick a lollipop)
她添我就像個棒棒糖
shawty wanna thug
性感小女生喜歡野男人
bottles in da club
舞廳里的酒瓶
shawty wanna hump
小不點兒想要跳舞
you know i like to touch ya lovely lady lumps
你知道我喜歡碰你可愛的屁股
ok lil mama had a swagga like mine
ok, 小女孩像我一樣有本事
she even wear her hair down her back like mine
她和我一樣把頭發放下來
i make her feel right when its wrong like lyin
我教她說謊，錯也變對
man she aint never had a luv like mine
她從來沒有像我一樣的愛
but man i aint never seen a ass like hers
我也從來沒有看過像她這樣的屁股
dat pussy in my mouth had me lost for words..
她的pussy(這個不用翻譯了吧）在我嘴裡，我變得無語
so i told her back it up like burp burp
所以我叫她退後讓我喘口氣。BURP是打嗝的意思
and i made dat ass jump like jurp jurp..
我讓她的屁股跳起來
and dats when she
然後她就
she lick lick lick me like a lollipop (yeah)
她添添添我就像個棒棒糖
she she lick me like a lollipop (yeah)
她她添我就像個棒棒糖
she lick lick lick me like a lollipop (yeah)
她添添添我就像個棒棒糖
shawty wanna thug
性感小女生喜歡野男人
bottles in da club
舞廳里的酒瓶
shawty wanna hump
小不點兒想要跳舞
u know i like to touch ya lovely lady lumps
你知道我喜歡碰你可愛的屁股
(she lick me lick a lollipop)
她添我就像個棒棒糖
shawty wanna thug
性感小女生喜歡野男人
bottles in da club
舞廳里的酒瓶
shawty wanna hump
you know i like to touch ya lovely lady lumps
你知道我喜歡碰你可愛的屁股
⑶ 陽光小美女中在台上跳舞時的背景音樂叫什麼名字
《super freak》--Gza
藝人： The Genius
語種： 英語
唱片公司： Cold Chillin
發行時間： 1990年01月01日
專輯類別： 錄音室專輯
所屬專輯：Words From the Genius
歌詞：Superfreak
I hopped on the train and cold clocked a chick
Who looked good as hell but she appeared to be sick
I would say she had to look as if she swallowed a worm
Then again she could've swallowed several ounces of sperm
Giving me the eye as if I was the right antidote
So I decided to swing a smooth episode
While the train stopped at Grand Central turn
Before I knew her name I was massaging her perm
I said, "My you look drunk, have you been drinkin alcohol?"
You got a fever here's an Extra Strength Tylenol
She said, "Great a comedian, comic"
She leaned on me, I said, "Please don't vomit!"
She said, "I'm not I just need some rest"
I said, "A few more stops, The Genius house is best"
Got to my rest, her whole attitude change
But deep inside, she seemed sexually strange
Went in the room and she flopped on the bed
With wild-ass thoughts inside her headachish head
I went in the kitchen to prepare some food
When I came back in she was completely nude
I know it sounds weak but believe it or not
That the fever in her head ran straight to her twat
She was burning! Burning up out
It took more, than firemen, to put that out
And yo, I was hard, just as hard as a rock
That I can hit a home run, with my cock
She said, "Let me show you what we do uptown
I huff and I puff till I blow your balls down"
Wild as a wolf from off Wilderness Ave
She said, "My what a great big ahhh! you have"
I started dripping and dripping in consecutive terms
I know we must save water but that does not include sperm
Did you ever know a girlie who just loves to switch
From a Part Time Lover to a Part Time Bitch
While she's loving part time, she's riding on mine
She says, "I love you long as you keep making me feel fine!"
In her behind, vagina, or heated climax
That I would sew, control, finger then wax
Now she's swingin so low yo she flex like wrecks
Cuz she can set records on oral sex
There's no lie what I said, she lives in the bed
If she got married, she'd be a worn out newlywed
And if she heard these words yo she would not cry
Because sperm, the only damn tears in her eye
Her drip-drop face is the one I painted
Just stared in her eyes while she damn near fainted
As she choked, goggled, then spit up
Cuz cream, was flowing, all over her cup
On the bathroom floor cuz her parents were home
And I just could-n't tolerate her moans and groans
"Genius, oh Genius, oh rock me so hard!
Cuz I don't want to stop, I love you God!"
But there's one thing she could never erase
That the thing she really wanted just sprayed in her face
So she regret, she ever swung low before
But this little hot bitch comes swingin for more
It used to be one, now it's five fingers of death
That rips her insides, as she gasp for breath
To say, "I love you! I love you! Forever so!
I'm getting hot getting hot let me blow let me blow"
What she thought was love, turned out to be lust
That made her live by the laws, in sex we trust
⑷ mm是什麼
指可愛美麗的小女人，MM是眉眉拼音的縮寫